The questions you ask of yourself frame your life’s answers.
 
Are you the one who inspires others by:

• demonstrating respect for them
• communicating openly
• modeling self-respect, self-discipline, humbleness and unwavering commitment
• simultaneously challenging and supporting them

 
Are you the one who is an impactful leader by:

• soliciting honest feedback
• relentlessly adhering to your core values
• having demonstrable clarity of purpose
• recognizing operational, organizational and strategic patterns for positioning change and growth
• attracting and retaining the “right” resources

 
Are you the one who makes strategic decisions by:

• seeking perspectives, knowledge and input from others
• creatively and intuitively crafting daily plans aligned with your purpose
• strategically considering the future consequences of each action
• acting swiftly by keenly grasping the evolving context
  
  

Are you the one using Emotional Intelligence by:

• knowing that your thoughts determine your behaviors, impacting the culture
• Identifying your defining moment each day
• having awareness of your impact
• committing to make a difference each day

 
Are you the one who models authentic leadership by:

• Iiving your passion with confidence
• basing your actions simultaneously on ethics and return
• having an optimistic, realistic and can-do outlook
• building relationships
• expressing gratitude

 
Are you the one whose communication instills trust by:

• listening rather than speaking
• coaching rather than berating
• asking questions to learn
• seeking opposing views
• sharing the truth

 
What is your essential question enabling you to transcend and transform?
      “Are you the one?”

An Interview with Warren Buffet.

I was extremely privileged to have an opportunity to interview Warren Buffet for one of my book projects. He was gracious and made me comfortable during the interview. After the interview, I felt such enthusiasm for life, I was peaceful and I thought; he made me feel like I have been my only barrier. I can do what ever I want to.

I am going to paraphrase for you some of Warren’s ideas on how to live in the moment versus waiting until you win the lottery. The actual quotes and text will be in my upcoming book, APATA.

1.  “I never look back.”  (He said to quote him on that!!!) Every day is so much fun. And I will have fun each day fifteen, twenty years from now.

2.  I am always optimistic.  Unless it is death or family tragedy. Otherwise I look forward to the possibilities from each event.

3.  I make decisions fast.  I am wired to make fast decisions. I process things very fast and I do not mind being wrong occasionally. I find that if I spend ten hours thinking about something I am usually at the same place as I was after ten seconds.

4.  Work for a person or organization that you admire and you can not get a bad result.

5.  I surround myself by people who are upbeat. Do not be with people who make your stomach churn. Work around people you like, admire and trust. Then you will get the best results.

6.  You can change yourself.  Some people are programmed to either be very positive and jump at every moment or to sort of hang back and let events determine what happens to them. You can not change them. So let go of what you can not control and focus on what you can change – yourself.

7.  (Advice for someone who is sour.)  Change your attitude in a hurry because the world is not going to change for you.  (He quoted Bertrand Russell: “Success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get.”)

8.  It pays to be enthusiastic. If you are sour on the world the world will be sour on you.

9.  You do adopt to some degree the behavioral characteristics of those who are closest to you.  Marry somebody whose example causes you to behave better than you otherwise you would. So pick a great spouse!!

10. Always try to make things interesting. I used to have great fun delivering papers. I went out with the attitude that I was going to enjoy it.  When I collected for my paper outside I got interested in coin collecting so it made it a little more interesting to go around and collect because I would find a dime or a quarter that had a mint mark or something I did not have in my collection.

11. Find what turns you on and focus on it. You know it when you see it – you can not talk yourself into liking something. I love what I do. (He said when he was seven years old he was interested in stocks and baseball but he knew he was better at one than the other so he picked what he loved and was good at.) I recently caddied for Tiger Woods. He regularly spends twelve hours a day working on his golf game. If your are passionate about something I do not think there is anything wrong with focusing on it in a huge way.

12. Engage in a variety of activities. I have a multitude of activities that I enjoy equally so I arrange my life to have time for them all.

13. Don’t try to make silk purses out of sows’ ears. It is tough enough to make them out of silk. Do not try impossible things. However do take calculated risks then be ready to accept failure.

14. Do not overanalyze things.  Actually so many things are quite simple.

15. Paint your own painting.  Everyday when I get up I get to paint my painting and nobody tells me I have to use blue paint or red paint and nobody tells me I have to do a landscape or a seascape. I feel like Michelangelo in the Sistine Chapel – I get to paint and it is a painting that will never be finished but every day I get to add a little something and it is the excitement of seeing that painting develop over time is what I do. It has nothing to do with money except that it has to earn decent returns over time to be a successful painting. But it is great fun not knowing exactly what I am going to paint every day.

Fifteen simple suggestions that have helped Warren Buffet to optimize his potential. It is his advice to us. So this week get out of your own way. You have each day this week to get up and paint your painting. And what great fun, to look at what you have painted at the end of each day.

Add some wonderful colors, textures, ideas and tones to your painting this week.

1. Know what makes you unique. Who are you? Simple question - difficult for most of us to answer. Pause - listen to yourself so you can live with authenticity. You can only change/grow if you know who you are, what your values are and where you want to go.
   
2. Define your legacy - life's purpose/passion. You cannot "live" without meaning. Visualize your legacy regularly. This enables you to have fortitude and perspective.
3. Create your compass. Set goals with timed and measurable milestones. Once you know your goals, you will not be subject to the winds of chaos.
4. Identify and align both your internal and external resources. You need proper "tools" to function smoothly.
5. Believe in yourself. You have a choice about your thoughts and attitude.
6. Communicate and connect with others. Build relationships - value others. Earn their trust and commitment by listening, being curious, supporting and encouraging.
7. Focus your decision-making. Make your daily decisions disciplined and directed toward your legacy. Mindfully ask yourself if this is the wisest choice for the moment.
8. See and seize opportunities. Act quickly with a sense of proper urgency. Act now. The "now" will never happen again.
9. Do a daily review: Identify what is holding you back. Track your progress. This self-feedback will allow you to be agile.
10. Be grateful and give back.

There are the ten "how's" to live your unique life of daily contribution, fulfillment and reward. If you do not change today, tomorrow will be the same. Commit now.

© CM&M, Inc.

 

People will not be receptive to learning unless they have a reason for acquiring the information you wish to share.

1. Create a proper learning environment

They have to have a vision (Imagination x Vividness= Reality), a picture of what it will look like and feel like to have mastered the learning. They can acquire this:

• When they know why and what
• When they know that there is a benefit to them
• When they believe that they can do it and are given real and understandable tools, examples, and a step-by-step plan/procedure that is perceived to be applicable to them
• When there is enthusiasm on the part of the facilitator/leader
• When they have a model/leader whom they respect
• When they feel respected and valued – feel listened to
• When they are open minded, thus the timing of learning has to be correct
• When they supported and simultaneously feel the thrill of a challenge
• When a picture is “painted” for them and it then becomes their own
• When they have a clear vision of having acquired the learning, they will learn

2. Be clear about your responsibility to assist in learning

• Do a correct audience analysis
• Provide some “ah-ha’s” for open mind.  Could be right brain exercises or a new fact for them.
• Involve them – always interactive
• Ask questions
• Provide examples of applications related to their day to day activities
• Keep it simple
• Provide opportunities for them to test it out safely
• Be enthusiastic
• Listen to them
• Accept responsibility for knowledge transfer.  Not - “Do you understand?” Rather - "Was I clear?”
• Give feedback and reinforcement
• Give them ability & time to reflect
• It is not about you but about them - use your Emotional Intelligence

3. Deal with resistance

When you feel someone is not buying in, how do you convince him or her? The word “convince” is tough, rather think “connect” with them.

• Acknowledge where they are coming from
• Respect and demonstrate understanding of their point of view
• Let them feel listened to
• Demonstrate interest in them
• Provide autonomy – people need to have a choice – thus position it as a choice
• Show benefit to them, thus you need to know what they perceive a benefit would be
• Provide relevant analogies
• Put it in their context
• Rather than “convince” ask them ask questions. For example, what do they need? Can they picture this working?
• Determine what you both have in common
• Ask for their help – people have an inner need and desire to help others
• Share how it has worked for someone else…results.  People are persuaded by evidence and examples.
• Demonstrate your enthusiasm
• Follow some of the Getting to Yes Principles. (Fisher & Ury)
• Separate the person from the problem
• Focus on interests not positions
• Invent options for mutual gain
• Insist upon using objective criteria
• Carry on - do not give up
• Give them a take-away - something that they can use: fact, model, template…

We have all had them. You had pre-planned the day perfectly.  You would accomplish so much.  You got up early, showered and went to the kitchen to start the day with fruit. Admirable, but the oranges had bad spots and both bananas were brown. When dressing you could not find your favorite tie or blouse. You bumped the car door when opening it and spilled coffee.  Someone was rude enough to have their car breakdown on the highway causing traffic to crawl and you arrived at work fifteen minutes late rather than twenty minutes early as you had planned.  You had planned one hour of solitude to draft a project proposal, closing the door to your office.  Five minutes into the proposal an immediate “urgent” meeting was announced.  Getting back to your office at 11:30am, you worked through lunch on the proposal only to find that the prospect signed with a competitor.  A colleague came by and shared disappointment in a decision you had made last week – citing your lack of compassion for your fellow workers, etc.

Your reaction – bury your head – it’s not all worth it.  Why bother – hey maybe the doomsday people are correct – so no more meticulous planning, watching out for your neighbor, and eating a painfully healthful diet. Forget the evening exercise program. And get angry with a few people along the way.

An alternative you can choose – one that will liberate you and elevate you above the turmoil – is mapped below.  The result – self-peace.

To handle change of plans, lack of progress and disappointment.

1. Change the venue.  Find a quiet place, another office, or ideally somewhere outdoors – go for a walk – be alone with yourself.
2. Acknowledge your feelings by feeling your feelings. Self-judgment and anger at the world, is delaying you from living in the now. How to accept the now? Breathe, center yourself. Then feel your anger, feel your annoyance. Focus on your feelings, not the situation. Do not think, feel.
3. Own your feelings. Accept your part in the arousal of these feelings, without judgment – they are yours – they are providing you with information.
4. Capture enlightenment. What insights and discoveries can you take from the “bad day”, “unexpected”, or “bitter disappointment”? See beyond the immediate. The enlightenment will assist you in your renewal and transformation process.
5. Focus on your life journey.  You have purposefully chosen a destination. Remember why. Reflect how your enlightenment will assist you on your travels.
6. Set a goal, action step, relevant to your journey and do it.
7. Remember you have the ability to make choices about how you treat yourself. You are not a victim, you are a victor.
8. Reward yourself.  Make the reward one which will enhance your being.  A worthwhile book, a reservation at the Museum of Fine Arts, a call to a friend, a massage.  Invest in yourself.

And thus – you will know why this day happened.

Write down one “wonder of wisdom” you have gleaned from your day today.

“We are as small as our self- recriminations or as large as our evolving self-revelations.” – (CMC)

Enjoy the moment, live your moment.

The Key for Professional and Personal Success

Here it is and it is so simple and easy.

Focus For Five©
(The Three F’s)

You only have to have discipline and focus for five minutes.  Focus for just five minutes at a time.

It is overwhelming to say I have to stop (drinking, cursing, watching TV). You set yourself up to think that this is forever. That is too much – it is daunting. You do not have to have the discipline of months and months of doing or eliminating. Rather than saying: I have to stop smoking; I have to write the book; I can not have any desserts; I cannot finish the project; I can never buy another pair of shoes; I have to practice the piano for ninety minutes every day… all you have to say to yourself is: “For the next five minutes I shall focus on (______)”.  The (_____) is whatever it is that is important or right for you to do at the moment. Word it in the positive, so your powerful subconscious hears what you want, not what you do not want.  Remember, your subconscious cannot judge. It accepts whatever it hears as the truth and works to reinforce it. Hence not: “I will stop procrastinating” because all your subconscious mind hears is “procrastinate” and “will” which projects responsibility to the future. Rather, “I will spend the next five minutes organizing my files.”, “I jog for five minutes at a time.” And then you can add another five minutes and then another. “I eat nutritiously.” “My writing is productive and flows.”

You can do this. You can have discipline for five minutes at a time. And that is all you need.

That is it for this blog because you can grasp a trusted, tested tool and start using it immediately without excuses, complications or debate. Focus For Five.

8.12 Tips for Turning Adversity Into Value 

This past week, I received three inquiries about “resilience”. Time for me to organize my notes, as I get ready to finish my new book: Resilience: Using Your Emotional Intelligence to Turn Adversity Into Value. Thus this blog as a primer.

How will you be changed by difficult times/disappointment/adversity? Will the changes in you be intentional or random behavioral reactions with little sustainable merit? Will you use the experience to further discover your uniqueness, strengthen resolve, reveal and use untapped potential, forge new relationships and design dreams and turn them into reality?

The following 8.12 tips will allow you to use difficult times as stepping-stones for growth and greatness. Your organization, your family  and you, may need you to demonstrate the greatness you have within you during times of challenge.

Raising your Emotional Intelligence to prepare for times of anger, pressure, stress and disappointments is about the most productive thing you can do. Those with high EI act with clarity of intent, authenticity, decisiveness and appropriate compassion while simultaneously bringing personal meaning into all of their life’s events. They resist the impulse to respond impulsively without first having accurate  awareness of the information that comes to them from their emotions and their intellect. The following tips enable us to access our EI.

1.      Feel Your Feelings Through. 

Understand what your experience really is. When dealing with an adversity, emotions come into play. Usually these emotions include: shock, anger, disbelief, jealousy, sadness and loss. You may feel victimized, incapacitated, and even stupid. Listen to what is going on  inside of you. Be brutally honest with yourself. Write down your emotions. What is behind them? Usually fear. Give the fear a name. Now you can face it, versus suppressing it and being emotionally reactive. Once you name your fear and feel it through you will start to gain perspective, strength and the courage to deal with it.

2.      Choose Your Frame of Reference

Your subconscious mind is extremely powerful so be careful of what you feed it. We tend to exaggerate the negative. You may assume a weight to be 50 pounds when it may only be 5 pounds. You feel defeated and de-energized before you even start to act. If your self-talk is consistently negative you could live as a helpless victim. Choose where to put your thoughts. You attract toward you and become that which you think about. Keep your self-esteem, holding yourself in good regard despite “unfairness” and imperfections.

3.      Regain Control

During tough times you often do not have to like what you do – but you know you have to do it. Now is the time for you to prove yourself to you and to others. Remember that we teach others how to treat us based upon how we respect and respond to ourselves. A basic human driver is the need for autonomy. However when dealing with difficulties we often tend to blame others and this leads to a lack of  autonomy/control because we cannot control them! Rather face that this is current reality and that you will assume self-responsibility and control. Get clear about what you want and need to do to get it and then take one, just one responsible action each day. You only need to have self-discipline for a few minutes to accomplish a forward action or thought. Or to resist the temptation to wallow and feel helpless…. just have self-discipline for three minutes at a time!! Then the next three minutes. This is not overwhelming. Never make a major decision when you are out of control.

4.      Simplify

Invest in your life – not consumerism, not multiple scattered activities. Determine what is really important to you and “spend” on those values only. When you simplify, life is less complicated and gives you an opportunity to build your courage. Let go of the things that  clutter, exhaust and complicate your life.

5.      Balance

You have the right to be happy. Lead a healthy life by investing in the right foods, exercise, sleep and relationships. Tough times often are the wake-up call to start taking care of yourself. Times of change are exactly the times when you need to eat properly to maintain a good  energy level, sleep to quiet your thoughts, have some solitude to provide centeredness and nourish your mind, exercise to get clear perspective and seek support from people who care for you.

6.      Focus on Your Priorities

Return to  the basics. Write down your values. Keep the list of your values in a place where you can quickly review them daily. Each night before you go to sleep write down your priorities for the next day and do  not deviate. Focus. Focus. Focus. With clear focus you will have freedom to think and choose your actions  in a guided manner. Have unwavering  commitment, diligence and discipline for your defined focus. Focus is the key  for success. You cannot eliminate difficulties but you can focus on what you are certain about. Clear focus will absolutely energize  you. Do not let other people or events  chose the road you will take. To transform yourself as a result of adversity – focus on a single purpose.

7.      Philanthropize

Help others. Do something good for someone else. It  is not all about you…others are facing adversity too and you have the resources to help them have perspective. Engage in  those random acts of kindness.

8.      Practice Resilience

1. Keep a  journal of your strengths and refer to it often.
2. Act as your  own coach. What would you advise someone  in your situation to do?
3. Visualize  past the difficult time…see over the mountain. Feel what it is like to have made the successful climb and reached the top.
4. Write “it” down and then break “it” into small, manageable pieces. Act on a piece each day.
5. Ask yourself: What is the worst thing that could happen?
6. Ask yourself: What is one thing I can do about it?
7. Ask yourself: What is the lesson I can take from this?
8. Remember,  this is only temporary, even though temporary may be an extended time.
9. Delay gratification.
10. Do not aim for perfection, a perfect resolution. Aim for focused, attainable action.
11. Do not let a day go by without seeing something beautiful.
12. Believe in  yourself. Have hope based upon purpose. When you have clear purpose you have peace, passion, power, perspective and can use your potential to persist,  persevere and perform.

 You are resilient!