- I have defined my legacy.
- I have written down the top values in my life.
- I can name my feelings.
- I accept responsibility for my feelings.
- I regularly seek input from others.
- I accept feedback graciously.
- I self-appraise throughout the day to match my intentions with my behaviors.
- I know my triggers and plan my responses.
- Often I can find the humor in some difficult situations.
- I use visualization to help me see the achievement of a goal.
- I am resilient able, to bounce back after a disappointment.
- I am able to say no.
- I am able to delay gratification.
- I am able to prioritize my activities according to the purpose and direction of my life.
- I practice gratitude daily.
- I can anticipate the feelings of others and plan how to respond appropriately.
- I forgive and let go.
- I know my strengths, weaknesses and blind spots.
- I am aware of and monitor my self-talk.
- I balance a long-term perspective with necessary daily to do's.
- I consciously choose to listen versus to speak frequently.
- I am curious.
- I am conscious of the impact of my words and non-verbals on others.
- I welcome opposing views.
- I have my finger on the pulse of those around me.
- I analyze the wake I create.
- I rarely procrastinate.
- I face reality and understand the impact of my actions.
- I view challenges are learning and growth experiences.
- I have meaningful relationships.
- I am eager for each day.
- I choose to make a difference every day.
The questions you ask of yourself frame your life’s answers.
Are you the one who inspires others by:
Are you the one who is an impactful leader by:
Are you the one who makes strategic decisions by:
Are you the one who models authentic leadership by:
Are you the one whose communication instills trust by:
What is your essential question enabling you to transcend and transform?
“Are you the one?”
Paint Your Own Painting ©
An Interview with Warren Buffet.
I was extremely privileged to have an opportunity to interview Warren Buffet for one of my book projects. He was gracious and made me comfortable during the interview. After the interview, I felt such enthusiasm for life, I was peaceful and I thought; he made me feel like I have been my only barrier. I can do what ever I want to.
I am going to paraphrase for you some of Warren’s ideas on how to live in the moment versus waiting until you win the lottery. The actual quotes and text will be in my upcoming book, APATA.
1. “I never look back.” (He said to quote him on that!!!) Every day is so much fun. And I will have fun each day fifteen, twenty years from now.
2. I am always optimistic. Unless it is death or family tragedy. Otherwise I look forward to the possibilities from each event.
3. I make decisions fast. I am wired to make fast decisions. I process things very fast and I do not mind being wrong occasionally. I find that if I spend ten hours thinking about something I am usually at the same place as I was after ten seconds.
4. Work for a person or organization that you admire and you can not get a bad result.
5. I surround myself by people who are upbeat. Do not be with people who make your stomach churn. Work around people you like, admire and trust. Then you will get the best results.
6. You can change yourself. Some people are programmed to either be very positive and jump at every moment or to sort of hang back and let events determine what happens to them. You can not change them. So let go of what you can not control and focus on what you can change – yourself.
7. (Advice for someone who is sour.) Change your attitude in a hurry because the world is not going to change for you. (He quoted Bertrand Russell: “Success is getting what you want and happiness is wanting what you get.”)
8. It pays to be enthusiastic. If you are sour on the world the world will be sour on you.
9. You do adopt to some degree the behavioral characteristics of those who are closest to you. Marry somebody whose example causes you to behave better than you otherwise you would. So pick a great spouse!!
10. Always try to make things interesting. I used to have great fun delivering papers. I went out with the attitude that I was going to enjoy it. When I collected for my paper outside I got interested in coin collecting so it made it a little more interesting to go around and collect because I would find a dime or a quarter that had a mint mark or something I did not have in my collection.
11. Find what turns you on and focus on it. You know it when you see it – you can not talk yourself into liking something. I love what I do. (He said when he was seven years old he was interested in stocks and baseball but he knew he was better at one than the other so he picked what he loved and was good at.) I recently caddied for Tiger Woods. He regularly spends twelve hours a day working on his golf game. If your are passionate about something I do not think there is anything wrong with focusing on it in a huge way.
12. Engage in a variety of activities. I have a multitude of activities that I enjoy equally so I arrange my life to have time for them all.
13. Don’t try to make silk purses out of sows’ ears. It is tough enough to make them out of silk. Do not try impossible things. However do take calculated risks then be ready to accept failure.
14. Do not overanalyze things. Actually so many things are quite simple.
15. Paint your own painting. Everyday when I get up I get to paint my painting and nobody tells me I have to use blue paint or red paint and nobody tells me I have to do a landscape or a seascape. I feel like Michelangelo in the Sistine Chapel – I get to paint and it is a painting that will never be finished but every day I get to add a little something and it is the excitement of seeing that painting develop over time is what I do. It has nothing to do with money except that it has to earn decent returns over time to be a successful painting. But it is great fun not knowing exactly what I am going to paint every day.
Fifteen simple suggestions that have helped Warren Buffet to optimize his potential. It is his advice to us. So this week get out of your own way. You have each day this week to get up and paint your painting. And what great fun, to look at what you have painted at the end of each day.
Add some wonderful colors, textures, ideas and tones to your painting this week.
HERE IS HOW - NOW©
The Ten Leadership Keys for Personal and Professional Fulfillment
There are the ten "how's" to live your unique life of daily contribution, fulfillment and reward. If you do not change today, tomorrow will be the same. Commit now.
© CM&M, Inc.
1. Understand what boards do. Their goal is to enhance shareholders wealth. The Board is responsible for oversight and informed decision-making.
2. Put the "presentation" in perspective. You are qualified to present because you have information or recommendations that they need to make sound decisions.
3. Know your specific board audience. Who is the Chairperson, how many members, what is their background? Board members have egos, power, heavy responsibility, limited time and personal liability.
4. Know the purpose of your "presentation". Why you and why this presentation?
5. Plan. Get them your papers in advance. Know how much time you will have. Anticipate and prepare for tough questions. Know that presenting to the Board is not a typical presentation. Board members do not want to be "presented to". They will interrupt, discuss and ask questions.
6. Be concise. When presenting, know that the board members want facts, evidence and risk analysis to allow them to do their job.
7. Be professional. You are not one of them. Do not tell jokes. Do not be casual, too friendly or over familiar. Be conscious of your non-verbals and tone of your voice.
8. Thank them for their time.
© CM&M, Inc.
Help People Learn©
People will not be receptive to learning unless they have a reason for acquiring the information you wish to share.
1. Create a proper learning environment
They have to have a vision (Imagination x Vividness= Reality), a picture of what it will look like and feel like to have mastered the learning. They can acquire this:
2. Be clear about your responsibility to assist in learning
3. Deal with resistance
When you feel someone is not buying in, how do you convince him or her? The word “convince” is tough, rather think “connect” with them.
Over the past thirty years, I have interviewed more than 800 executives on many topics including Effective Communication. The result:
The 12 “C’s” of Effective Communication©
Maximize your impact and ability to influence others by practicing the 12 "C's" = Competencies of Master Communicators.
We have all had them. You had pre-planned the day perfectly. You would accomplish so much. You got up early, showered and went to the kitchen to start the day with fruit. Admirable, but the oranges had bad spots and both bananas were brown. When dressing you could not find your favorite tie or blouse. You bumped the car door when opening it and spilled coffee. Someone was rude enough to have their car breakdown on the highway causing traffic to crawl and you arrived at work fifteen minutes late rather than twenty minutes early as you had planned. You had planned one hour of solitude to draft a project proposal, closing the door to your office. Five minutes into the proposal an immediate “urgent” meeting was announced. Getting back to your office at 11:30am, you worked through lunch on the proposal only to find that the prospect signed with a competitor. A colleague came by and shared disappointment in a decision you had made last week – citing your lack of compassion for your fellow workers, etc.
Your reaction – bury your head – it’s not all worth it. Why bother – hey maybe the doomsday people are correct – so no more meticulous planning, watching out for your neighbor, and eating a painfully healthful diet. Forget the evening exercise program. And get angry with a few people along the way.
An alternative you can choose – one that will liberate you and elevate you above the turmoil – is mapped below. The result – self-peace.
To handle change of plans, lack of progress and disappointment.
Write down one “wonder of wisdom” you have gleaned from your day today.
“We are as small as our self- recriminations or as large as our evolving self-revelations.” – (CMC)
Enjoy the moment, live your moment.
Focus For Five©
The Key for Professional and Personal Success
Here it is and it is so simple and easy.
Focus For Five©
(The Three F’s)
You only have to have discipline and focus for five minutes. Focus for just five minutes at a time.
It is overwhelming to say I have to stop (drinking, cursing, watching TV). You set yourself up to think that this is forever. That is too much – it is daunting. You do not have to have the discipline of months and months of doing or eliminating. Rather than saying: I have to stop smoking; I have to write the book; I can not have any desserts; I cannot finish the project; I can never buy another pair of shoes; I have to practice the piano for ninety minutes every day… all you have to say to yourself is: “For the next five minutes I shall focus on (______)”. The (_____) is whatever it is that is important or right for you to do at the moment. Word it in the positive, so your powerful subconscious hears what you want, not what you do not want. Remember, your subconscious cannot judge. It accepts whatever it hears as the truth and works to reinforce it. Hence not: “I will stop procrastinating” because all your subconscious mind hears is “procrastinate” and “will” which projects responsibility to the future. Rather, “I will spend the next five minutes organizing my files.”, “I jog for five minutes at a time.” And then you can add another five minutes and then another. “I eat nutritiously.” “My writing is productive and flows.”
You can do this. You can have discipline for five minutes at a time. And that is all you need.
That is it for this blog because you can grasp a trusted, tested tool and start using it immediately without excuses, complications or debate. Focus For Five.
8.12 Tips for Turning Adversity Into Value
This past week, I received three inquiries about “resilience”. Time for me to organize my notes, as I get ready to finish my new book: Resilience: Using Your Emotional Intelligence to Turn Adversity Into Value. Thus this blog as a primer.
How will you be changed by difficult times/disappointment/adversity? Will the changes in you be intentional or random behavioral reactions with little sustainable merit? Will you use the experience to further discover your uniqueness, strengthen resolve, reveal and use untapped potential, forge new relationships and design dreams and turn them into reality?
The following 8.12 tips will allow you to use difficult times as stepping-stones for growth and greatness. Your organization, your family and you, may need you to demonstrate the greatness you have within you during times of challenge.
Raising your Emotional Intelligence to prepare for times of anger, pressure, stress and disappointments is about the most productive thing you can do. Those with high EI act with clarity of intent, authenticity, decisiveness and appropriate compassion while simultaneously bringing personal meaning into all of their life’s events. They resist the impulse to respond impulsively without first having accurate awareness of the information that comes to them from their emotions and their intellect. The following tips enable us to access our EI.
1. Feel Your Feelings Through.
Understand what your experience really is. When dealing with an adversity, emotions come into play. Usually these emotions include: shock, anger, disbelief, jealousy, sadness and loss. You may feel victimized, incapacitated, and even stupid. Listen to what is going on inside of you. Be brutally honest with yourself. Write down your emotions. What is behind them? Usually fear. Give the fear a name. Now you can face it, versus suppressing it and being emotionally reactive. Once you name your fear and feel it through you will start to gain perspective, strength and the courage to deal with it.
2. Choose Your Frame of Reference
Your subconscious mind is extremely powerful so be careful of what you feed it. We tend to exaggerate the negative. You may assume a weight to be 50 pounds when it may only be 5 pounds. You feel defeated and de-energized before you even start to act. If your self-talk is consistently negative you could live as a helpless victim. Choose where to put your thoughts. You attract toward you and become that which you think about. Keep your self-esteem, holding yourself in good regard despite “unfairness” and imperfections.
3. Regain Control
During tough times you often do not have to like what you do – but you know you have to do it. Now is the time for you to prove yourself to you and to others. Remember that we teach others how to treat us based upon how we respect and respond to ourselves. A basic human driver is the need for autonomy. However when dealing with difficulties we often tend to blame others and this leads to a lack of autonomy/control because we cannot control them! Rather face that this is current reality and that you will assume self-responsibility and control. Get clear about what you want and need to do to get it and then take one, just one responsible action each day. You only need to have self-discipline for a few minutes to accomplish a forward action or thought. Or to resist the temptation to wallow and feel helpless…. just have self-discipline for three minutes at a time!! Then the next three minutes. This is not overwhelming. Never make a major decision when you are out of control.
Invest in your life – not consumerism, not multiple scattered activities. Determine what is really important to you and “spend” on those values only. When you simplify, life is less complicated and gives you an opportunity to build your courage. Let go of the things that clutter, exhaust and complicate your life.
You have the right to be happy. Lead a healthy life by investing in the right foods, exercise, sleep and relationships. Tough times often are the wake-up call to start taking care of yourself. Times of change are exactly the times when you need to eat properly to maintain a good energy level, sleep to quiet your thoughts, have some solitude to provide centeredness and nourish your mind, exercise to get clear perspective and seek support from people who care for you.
6. Focus on Your Priorities
Return to the basics. Write down your values. Keep the list of your values in a place where you can quickly review them daily. Each night before you go to sleep write down your priorities for the next day and do not deviate. Focus. Focus. Focus. With clear focus you will have freedom to think and choose your actions in a guided manner. Have unwavering commitment, diligence and discipline for your defined focus. Focus is the key for success. You cannot eliminate difficulties but you can focus on what you are certain about. Clear focus will absolutely energize you. Do not let other people or events chose the road you will take. To transform yourself as a result of adversity – focus on a single purpose.
Help others. Do something good for someone else. It is not all about you…others are facing adversity too and you have the resources to help them have perspective. Engage in those random acts of kindness.
8. Practice Resilience
Welcome to my blog! Having spent the past thirty years studying and researching Leadership, Influence, Emotional Intelligence, Communication & Motivation and having had my material shared with over 400,000 professionals, I have decided time to get some of the information out to others. I will post new articles and updates in my quest to have leaders tap into their resources and the resources of their team to excel versus subsist.